Weekend

The weekend is in full swing, but not really for me :-p Pretty much everyone else has plans and things they are doing and I'm just holding down the fort I guess. But it's fun getting to hear how much fun they are having. I think my night is going to consist of 3 or 4 fluffy pillows, a good book, some green tea and perhaps even a little scented candle action. In fact that sounds so terrific that I'm going to take advantage of the quiet time right now!!!

on the bright side

Today isn't going to be a very busy day. There are really only a few things that I specifically planned to do today. One of which is date night! It'll be the first one in a little over two years. I'm pretty excited about it. Other than that though I'm just going to be finishing up a few things before the weekend. Waiting for a phone call as well about the new school we put the application in for. I should hear back from them sometime today, if not I'll probably just touch base with them on Monday. It feels kinda nice to have a low key day after having such a weird last few days/months. I feel the Christmas cheer now so things are looking good, I think it'll be a fun rest of the month.

Testing

I think I'm being tested already. Just yesterday I was so determined to begin to change my ways. Not to shy away or back down when something seemed stressful or tedious or pointless. I wasn't going to let my mind and emotions talk me out of things that I'd like to have and relationships I'd like to build. It's pretty ridiculous that I can read one thing and pretty much rethink my entire existence. I guess this is the first wall I have to fight through. Someone recently said to me that I couldn't change what people are going to do, if they want to have a relationship with you they'll have one. She's a pretty smart lady. It may just be in my head but sometimes it seems as if it's hard to have a relationship if the wrong you've done is still held on to. If I don't address the wrong I've done, am I being selfish? How often should I apologize for it? Are they just waiting for me to fail again like I always do? Shouldn't let them down should I?

I truly believe that ones self is the ultimate enemy. I believe that once you are sound and secure in your own life and mind that it really wont matter quite as much what other people do or say. I believe that with every single ounce of me. I just don't know how to get there, yet.

breathe, and focus

Alright so it's definitely been longer than forever. I have no excuse. For some reason once something happens and I miss one day, in my head I start going 'well I guess I can wait until this weekend' and then all the sudden that weekend passes. Then my mind goes at it again with something along the lines of 'it's been so long am I just suppose to pick up where I left off?' Blah!

I had an interesting weekend, fun, exciting, nerve wracking, scary, emotional, anger filled, embarrassing, encouraging, delightful and confusing kind of all mushed together. It didn't really stop at the weekend either it has filled today as well. I am hopeful that perhaps tomorrow will be a little more on the calm side, or maybe even just predictable. . . hmmm, nah I think I'll stick with hoping for calm.

I've almost completed my long over due task of sending off my oldest sisters gifts. It's taken forever but every time I think I have it all together I either add a little something or one of the girls does something that I'd like to send as well. I have officially put a deadline on it though. It is being sent out on Friday, no matter how many pictures need to be drawn or pictures need to be printed out or what ever. Friday, Friday, Friday! lol, and that is this Friday the 10th of December 2010, just in case my mind tries to make it next Friday or something.

I visited my sister this weekend, the middle sister. She looks pretty amazing. It's fascinating that you couldn't imagine someone being prettier and then they become pregnant and it's like a whole different kind of pretty. She's nesting like crazy and I just hope she gets some down time in between all her tasks. She's a busy bee.

I think I'm going to get a day planner and actually schedule out my days. I've realized that I don't like going months without talking to my sisters. Or going too long without having a playful day of photo taking with my girls. Or not having a date night in over 2 years. Or seeing friends in. . . well I can't even remember the last time. Or having HUGE gaps in my writing or blogging. I've begun to notice that I spend so much time wishing that I was closer with certain people or productive in the relationship rather than just doing it. could of, would of and should of are phrases that I'm going to try to weed out of my life.